Second Stitch

Is it possible that I started this blog almost 11 months ago? I really just haven't given more than 2 or 3 thoughts, 2 or 3 seconds each to this blog. The thing is I have serious attention issues. I pay attention to everything going on every  ( see right here I should have written minute but I traded thoughts and moved on to the next sentence before finishing the last one... which ended with every and this one starts with every as well..)  piece of sensory input filters through my brain and I have to constantly choose what to listen to and what to taste and what to look at. I know this seems trite to people who do not have attention issues but imagine fireworks going off in all directions at once and you are obligated to pay attention to all these explosions at once.

No I can't just shut it out. I manage to shut things out once in a while but it's like this magical moment that slips away once I notice I am doing it; like reading in public. I can't do it unless there is a significant amount of white noise or I will listen to everything going on around me.This is what it can be like to have addention "deficit" disorder.  (notice how I accidentally wrote ADDention .. ADD and attention in one word.. it's beautifully squashed together just like my thoughts) I reject the idea that I have a  deficit because truthfully I am paying attention like a superhuman. I just can't keep up with all the information.

Wander Woman falls out of the sky though because she can't figure out quickly enough weather to get the cat from the burning tree or save Sally Screams-A-Lot from atop the run away unicorn. There is too much to choose from. So in my mind a blog seemed like a great idea, so does stitching a quilt, knitting  booties, writing an album, cooking dinner, walking the dog, taking art classes... on and on it goes. Not that everyone doesn't have a ton of interests, I just wish I could choose some in some kind of order but I am not sure that would make any sense to me either.

 So I have all these interests keeping me paying attention to a few things at a a time. Its fascinating and infuriating. And thus,
I aspire to be hyper-productive but hyper-productivity is like this elusive golden elk running so fast in front of me I can only dream of catching up to her in my anxiety ridden dreams. Its not that I think I should be more productive, per se it is just that I long to learn so much that I actually desire to knit well and illustrate well and write good strong songs....and so on. I really love to learn to do new things and I love to create. I find that the one bright silver thread that adorns this little purse of interest is creativity. I have been searching for a way to really express my self in an artistic way.

I do think it is all about communication. I would like to communicate my ideas through song and visual arts....but I'll save that for tomorrow night, Tonight I have to go write a children's book about a cashmere goat that wants to be a bowling ball.